"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
