Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
