He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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