And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
