Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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