I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
