Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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