Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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