took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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