we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
