quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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