I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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