Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
