sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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