I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
