Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
