your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
