I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
