What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
