i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
