True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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