who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
