Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
