I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
