Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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