I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
