I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
