is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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