i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
