You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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