I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
