i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
