Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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