their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
