College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
