i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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