She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
