Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
