her vagine was all disorganized.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
