dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
