Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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