for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
