Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize