His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
