I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
