At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
