Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
