I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
