Operation Purity has been aborted
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
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This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize