he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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