what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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