I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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