I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
