I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
