Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
