I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
dude. I can hear the air.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
