woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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