I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
