yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also, beer. Big fan.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
