I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
