If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
