you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Less talking, more tequila
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Someone signed my nipple.
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