i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Too much gin, very little bucket
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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