Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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