Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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