I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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