Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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