I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
