Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
