Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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